MS Voodoo

Do you tend to be cautious or superstitious about doing anything that seems similar to what your were doing when you had your last big "flare up"?

Case in point.  I've been asking (nagging) my husband to go on a cruise.  He finally told me the reason he keeps saying no.  He said "don't you remember the last cruise?"   Yeah, I remember having a pretty good time. At least on the ship.   He just looks at me as if I have 3 heads.   He said "we got off the ship and on the drive home you started feeling sick.Fever, chills, severe headache etc.  Within a few days you had numbness in your face that traveled over the next few days down the entire left side of your body." 

Oh yeah.  I remember now.  I tend to shut out that chunk of time...  

That was October 2008.  By December 2008 I was diagnosed with MS.

It scared me and totally terrified my husband.  We were living in a new town. Had 3 boys at new schools.  No friends or family around.    

So I guess I'm banned from cruises the rest of my life.   But, then I started thinking of all the small things I do or avoid because I'm scared it will stir up the MS pot.

I'm worried about germs.  I know that a little bug or virus can get an exacerbation started.  I'm constantly washing my hands and using hand gel.   I work with kids so I'm extremely paranoid.  And I won't babysit  my niece's and nephews if their sick.

If I get too tired and shaky I panic a little.  If I can I lay down immediately until it gets better. 

Ever since that big bad attack I have anxiety attacks.  Big ones, little ones you name it.  I have spent 5 years trying to make rhyme or reason of them.   They come an go with such randomness their hard to keep up with.  I guess I'm stuck with that part forever.   Most of the time they hit me when I'm feeling no anxiety what so ever.  But I work hard to keep stress to a minimum.  Hopefully that helps.  It's like some wires are messed up in my brain or something.   Um, yup there actually are.

Cold weather does a bad number on my body.  I know heat is usually the culprit for MS'rs but my nemesis is the cold.  It makes my body hurt so bad that I think my bones are going to break. And the winter glare messes with my vision.  I spent quite a bit of time in and out of hospitals in the winter time while the Dr's tried to get my MS under control.  So I try to stay out of the cold.

So I catch myself from staying away from the "bad things" that in my warped little lesion filled head might make me "MS sick".

Is that like OCD???  Hopefully I don't start counting the times I turn a door knob to ward of MS...............