Show Your Love

I read an interesting blog the other day that really stuck with me for some reason.  This daughter was shocked to discover upon her Mother's death that she (her Mom) had MS.   The mother hid it from her husband and children for many years so as not to be a burden.....

The daughter was hurt because she grew up thinking that her Mom was cold and distant.  Apparently the mom thought that she was doing everyone a favor by not doing things with the family that she wasn't physically capable of doing. Or not explaining why she couldn't.

Wow.  I guess I understand? No, not really.  I for one could never do that.  My family has given me the support, courage and drive to do everything that I am capable of doing right now.  

We don't talk much about my MS at home.  We all know it's there. No biggie. Taking care of my family and wanting to do as much possible with them makes me take care of myself. Reserving my energy when needed so I am able to keep up with them is important.  Sometimes I forget that but crazy enough someone else around me does and reminds me.  Just the same as I do for them.  Which I think is pretty cool. 

We are a family.  We take care of each other.  That's what families do. If your loved ones don't know what's going on with you how can they understand you?  And vice versa.

I would hate to think that one of my boys thought I didn't love them very much just because I let my MS dictate my life and they weren't aware of it.

Everyone handles things differently I guess.  I understand what that mom was trying to do, but my opinion is don't let MS or any disease keep you from letting those around just know how much they are loved.  

Vertigo Fun

Yay.  It seems that I have a nasty touch of the dreaded vertigo.  For 2 days I have felt like a pinball in my home banging from doorway to doorway down the halls.   For those who don't understand my lame example of vertigo here is the technical description:

Dizziness is a common symptom of MS. People with MS may feel off balance or lightheaded. Much less often, they have the sensation that they or their surroundings are spinning -- a condition known as vertigo.

These symptoms are due to lesions—damaged areas—in the complex pathways that coordinate visual, spatial, and other input to the brain needed to produce and maintain equilibrium.

It is one of my least favorite MS symptoms.  Just because it makes me queasy and hard to walk and get things done.  Usually I have to lay around until it passes which a) drives me crazy doing nothing and b) it is a direct slap in the face that something is wrong with me and not as ignorable as other MS symptoms.

Well, on the bright side this should give me time to finish up some of my Netflix series I've gotten hooked on this winter.   Breaking Bad or Revenge anyone??!

See, I try to always have a back up plan or a bright side for everything MS throws my way.  That way I win.  

Winter Time Blues

Ugghhh,   those winter time blues.  You know what I'm talking about.   Cold days, stiff muscles, stuck indoors etc..... 

My least favorite season.   After a month of wallering (that is really a word here in the south)  in my pitiful depressing state I pulled myself up.  I started exercising more at home in addition to the classes I take outside home.  I also started a journal.   Which sounds so old fashioned in this day.  But start one I did.  Believe it or not my secondary neurologist suggested it.  Once I got the hang of writing "my feelings" about anything I want it got easier.  Kind of like blogging but with more details and honesty!!

I even (gasp) started back on anti-depressants.   I know that's a touchy taboo subject to throw "out there" where anyone could find out that me or anyone else is not perfect.

I've been on them a couple of times since being diagnosed with MS.  And I thought that once I got a handle emotionally and physically on my disease I wouldn't need them.  

Wrong.   On both counts.  For me at least.  I have come to terms that you can never have a handle on MS.  You can cope and move on but that's about it.  

Emotionally is another story.  There are so many factors that contribute to you emotional well being and having MS. It's not just you that makes your emotions scatter daily.  It's MS.   I won't bore you with the dry facts and diagrams.  I won't waste your time or mine today talking about lesions and myelin sheaths etc.   We can do that another time.  

Bottom line for me.  I take an anti-depressant/anxiety med so I can live my life and not worry so much about the little things. Because worrying around the clock takes a toll.  It's exhausting.  And I'm not ashamed to admit it.  

Overused quote I know but Life Is Too Short

And because I've accepted this and am back on meds I'm able to do this!!