Thursday, August 29, 2013
I'm Fine. Thanks For Asking
I am to a point in my MS life that when certain people ask how I'm feeling I say with a big southern smile "Fine. Thanks for asking!"
I have several family(ish) members who always ask "How are you feeling"? "The new medicine working"? or "You look good. That new medicine must be working".
Now this isn't intended for the kind people who genuinely care how I'm feeling and ask me that. Some of them are scared and like to be reassured.
This is for people close to me who a) Should know what MS is by now and know what it does or b) Who don't care or don't know what their talking about and should not even ask.
Now I or my husband have told these close to us people how MS works. After a number of years we get tired of wasting our breath and have just stopped.
We try to break it down into a simple explanation for those who don't get it, don't look it up, or are just plain stupid and don't give a shit. There I said it.
And we only give it to people who ask. Never will I be one of those who let's their ailments take over all conversations or force feed my disease on others.
And if you don't truly want to "get it" don't ask. Seriously. It won't hurt my feelings. To be honest, I don't want to talk about it with you.
I'm so glad you think I "look good" or "don't look sick". I work very hard to look that way. And I mean very hard.
You don't realize that I've been in a brain fog and cognitive sludge for the past 4 days and am having trouble remembering what your name is. You don't realize part of my face and leg are numb and I'm hoping it doesn't go any farther as I'm chatting with you. You don't realize the anxiety attack that comes from nowhere and drops you to your knees. You don't realize that I have had severe fatigue (not just need a nap tired. Your not EVEN CLOSE) for the last 48 hours and have been laying down to muster up enough strength to make it to whatever event is most important to me. You don't know the worry that my husband and myself have after seeing more lesions show up on my last MRI. And that's ok.
I have a handle on it and am adapting. It's all good.
I recently had someone close who asked "Is the new medicine (Tecfidera) working yet"? "Is it making you feel better"? I replied "It's hard to say. It doesn't really make you feel better. It hopefully will make my future flare ups not as long or severe and further apart". To which she replied "same thing."
Um, no it's not.
So, It's just easier to say "I'm Fine. Thanks for asking" to those folks. Or punch them in the mouth. Which is what I would like to do some days.
I can just blame it on my MS meds "not working".................